Monday, July 14, 2014

Looney June! :-)

image from: tumblr

It's time for my June favorites! 

June went by so quickly, but in such a slow pace that I don't really know what happened last month...
June was such a blur? Is anyone feeling the same way about it? 


Book: (Still!) Rookie Yearbook Two
Movie: Cloud Atlas
Something school related: The fact that it started :-)
         Site: Renée de Guzman's Instagram feed
Article: ---
  Food: Napoleones!!!
       Drink: Starbucks Strawberry & Creme Frapp
Hangout Place: La Creperie (Katipunan)
Song: Michael Jackson & Justin Timberlake- Love Never Felt So Good 
     Youtube Video: T H I S
Purchase: The 5 Seconds of Summer boxset :-)


"The purpose of life is not to be happy-- but to matter, to be productive, 
to be useful, to have it make some difference that you lived at all." - Leo Rosten

-Andrea xx

to: a.m from: a.f.

before i put a free verse below this, i just want to use the excuse that i didn't edit this as tediously as some might think it probably should be; mainly because 1) screw your rules; and 2) it's late and i have a feeling that this might be one of those super honest poems that come out beautifully with the help of stress, tiredness and the this-is-urgent rush. i also want to say that this poem is intended for someone i know. i wrote this for her, because i think she deserves to be happy (just like every single one of us), and it's sad how right now she isn't doing well. i'm hoping that this will wake her up, and that she'll start being who she really, truly is again.

if you're her, she, the, you (you know who you are): well then hey. :-) i hope you don't get lazy reading this, or that you'll disregard this. i hope that this will help you. i'm. reeeealllly. hoping. this. will. help. youu. 

and if you're not ^^^ but are feeling the same way, (like you're an ugly and unfortunate human being) then hey :-) read on, i hope you get something out of this. 

(let's) start with you
with who you think you are
with what you see in the mirror when you face it
with what you think you are labeled as
with why you hurt yourself in any way so you could feel something
because every single existent thing has made you numb

you think you are the underdog
the dark horse that never got the chance to paint itself white
the girl in class that never got enough credit in a project
or the last resort and no one's favorite
the companion to places but never a friend
the girl that a boy will never write about because she's not worth it
the one that's never noticed in a crowd when she's the only one different
the girl that will only be loved when she's dead
come on 
admit it
sometimes you'd like to kill yourself to see how many people would actually give a sh-

but here's the thing
you've gone overboard
you've made over-thinking a practice of rookies
you've made yourself a self-proclaimed insecure teen
you've successfully numbed yourself out while rounding out your edges
you've dipped yourself in society's blood
and now you're too confused to function

and i'd like to tell you why

you think this way
because no one got what you said
no one bothered to read your message 
so they just deleted it
no one had a heart like yours to understand why 
every single pump and beat you put effort into was inconsistent

you think this way 
because no seemed to care
even if they were just next to you 
sitting on a chair
even if they were asking you if you were alright
and you said 'yeah i'm fine'
even if you were lying and telling the truth at the same time

well you know what?
you're not the only one
who became victim of this crime
i have become a practitioner of pretending to be what i 
thought i should be morphing into as well 
i have been used to feeding myself with my own skin and bones and
pretending to feel like they're good for me
i have been stopping myself to becoming confident in all the ways that i could be
and i too have told things to myself that i never thought i'd be telling myself to

i have become crazy as well
i have had my moments of darkness as well

i would get angry at myself 
and collect my hair into my fists and pull as hard as i could
i would tell myself i needed to be checked up 
by a doctor of mental patients 
i would throw away a week's worth of positivity and happiness
for an insult that was carried out in a matter of seconds
i would feel the everything come all at once too
i would feel all the problems that concerned me
and all the problems that had nothing to do with me 
affect me in ways that were actually kind of scary
i would feel like throwing rocks at random things 
and at the same time wanted to fill 100 buckets of tears as if 100 wasn't enough

i felt so vulnerable and worthless at points in my life too
and i'm telling you this 
because i think it's important you know 
that you're never alone in any battle you face
that someone has felt exactly the way you felt
but has achieved something good out of it
and that you should be doing the same

i think you're problem here is
that you want to fix yourself but you don't know how to
or that maybe you do know how but no longer want to 

either way
i can only help as much
either way
your family can put so much effort
either way
if everyone else around you will do 97% of what it would take for you to get better
you won't ever get better without your 3% effort

don't worry
i think i know how to make this work
i think i can let you do your 3% contribution so

(let's end) this poem about you
with who you actually are
with who you are actually perceived as
and with how you've been wrong about this for a long while

you are beautiful
you are all the beautiful little things compiled into one
you are all the heartfelt letters the writer gave to his one and only love
you are the face your lover chose to dream about
because even his mind couldn't shake how you looked him in his eyes and yet told 
him nothing but left a mark
you are the muse being talked about in his pretty little songs
you are the girl who will be loved like in that maroon 5 song 
you are the girl who will get kissed in the rain like in fanfics and book plots

you are the girl who finally saw herself as beautiful and 
didn't need a razor or toothbrush to get herself caught into
you are the brand new change
the flame that ignited the candle for hope
the new inspiration for others

you are the changed college student
hoping to make a mark on this world
you are the fangirl who will no longer use music as a distraction
but as a bridge for emotion and boost for creativity

you are the new you
and i can't wait for you to start becoming yourself again
i can't wait for you to feel like you're actually who you want to be
and you're actually who you would love to be.. 

... yourself and you.

- a.f.

-Andrea xx

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Yay May! :-)

Background photo credits to:

 Starting today, I'm going to be making monthly posts of my favorite book, movie, site, article, etc.. It's called "monthly favorites" (the semi-general term) and I got the idea from Ate Isabel (Sab Voyage), while scrolling through her blog (she's pretty cool, check her out!). I've kind of always wanted to do a repeating thing for my blog, to soon make it into some sort trademark- Andrea Felicia but I guess I'm only getting half the credit here (or maybe even none at all). 

Anyway, here are my May favorites! :-)

Book: Rookie Yearbook Two (you guys should totally get a copy of this, seriously)
Movie: Celeste And Jesse Forever (is my Andy Samberg crush showing?)
Something school related: The last days of review? :---)
Article: A Tried and True Map to Paradise by Sarah Sophie Flicker (found in Rookie Yearbook Two)
                          Food: Häagen-Dazs ice cream (Belgian Chocolate) aka my childhood fave
Drink: Happy Lemon's Cocoa with Rock Salt and Cheese (my Mom and I's forever fave)
Hangout Place: My cousin's place (I hope that doesn't sound lame hahaha)
Song: Clean Bandit- Rather Be (feat. Jess Glynne)
Purchase: Everything I bought in Hong Kong ;-)

Quote: "become the woman you want to be" 


Guess that's it! :-) Have a good one, everyone! 

-Andrea xx